


i left these unbidden

by galactoc



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Established Relationship, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 03:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galactoc/pseuds/galactoc
Summary: But you were right, Tones. Thanos is coming. When he does, I wonder, would you call me?I would call you.a collection of voice mails left by steve.





	1. Chapter 1

**[24 November 2016] [7:14 PM]**

It’s been six months. It’s only been six months, and I’ve already cracked. I don’t know why I told myself I’d be able to stay solid for way longer. For the rest of my life. But that’s just not possible, Tony. Not for you.

I admit the first month after I left… I was furious. God, the anger, I can’t even describe it. It ate at me everyday and all I could see was you on the ground and my shield following. I punched sandbags every day, Tony, until my knuckles bled, because I was that mad.

But I cooled down. It’s not good to stay angry for that long.

Then I just felt sorry, Tony. Not regret, but I was sorry. I can’t get this out of my mind- this- you- the pain in your eyes when you watched that video. When I first watched that video by myself I’m ashamed to say I barely felt any pain, and that pain was just for Bucky. What would happen to him. But I failed to take into account _your_ pain.

You have pain for miles to spare, Tony. I know you try and hide it but it’s still there. And that night… God.

_[Static]_

I-I have to go. Sorry. _[indistinct voices]_

 

**[1 January 2017] [5:35 AM]**

I still don’t believe the Sokovia Accords were right.

I’m sorry, I just had to say it. I want you to know this isn’t me wallowing in my own misery going, “Please, I was wrong, take me back.” I believe I was right, and I know you believed you were right, and I respect that. Because maybe we were both wrong, and maybe the Universe is just fucked up for doing this.

Sorry- sorry, I didn’t mean to curse.

God, you would be laughing at me for saying that if you were here.

After the first message I sent you- and I know you probably never opened it- I was too scared to pick up the phone again. I thought I’d made a mistake. I remember every word I said. How is it that through my conflict and the way I beat you down into the ground without a second thought, I still don’t hesitate to leave myself raw for you? Through the damn phone? I said everything I thought and what I had been thinking for months.

I think I would always just split myself open for you, Tony. You already know my heart.

 

**[6 May 2017] [11:00 PM]**

It’s been a year.

I just… the magnitude of that sentence. A year is a long, long time- enough for someone to grow and change and maybe become a different person. Are you the same person, Tony? I know I’m not. I mean, I’m still just Steve, I think. But I think I’m different… I don’t know.

I missed your birthday. I probably missed other important dates, too. I missed holidays. I missed ritual celebratory rites and things like that. I mean, technically I didn’t miss them… I just wasn’t with you when they happened.

Which I think is the same thing as missing them.

I’m grateful to have friends by my side. I have Bucky, and Clint, and Nat. And T’challa is a good man. He’s always busy running a whole country and all, but he makes time for me. He made me a new uniform.

But you’re not here. That… tends to put a damper on everything. Sometimes I wonder if I just don’t remember how happy I could actually get with you, so I fool myself into thinking I am.

_[Static]_

Happy birthday, Tony.

 

**[12 May 2017] [2:30 AM]**

I miss you. Sometimes I lie awake thinking of you, Tony. What it would feel like to have you in my arms again.

This phone is the only thing left of you.

 

**[28 June 2017] [5:45 AM]**

I saw you on the news the other day, Tones. In the suit, flying around with that kid of yours. Peter? Spiderman?

I remember him, from the airport. He really caught me off guard and had me flying for a second. That kid’s something special, alright. But you probably already know that.

It just reminds me how much has changed.

_[Static]_

Do you ever think of me, Tony? I can't stop thinking about you.

It sounds desperate, and- and creepy, I know, but it’s true. God, I miss everything about you. I miss you talking about science, the way your hands would start to fly around ‘cause you’d get so passionate about it. I miss Dum-E. I miss watching movies and going out, little things like that, and I even miss our fighting.

At least then I could feel you. At least I could touch you. Now we’re thousands of miles apart.

I miss your lips. I miss the taste of you.

 

**[29 June 2017] [11:12 PM]**

Sorry about my last message. I… definitely overstepped.

I shouldn’t have just laid out all of my feelings like that. It’s a burden. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t think I should keep leaving messages.

 _[Laughter]_ Yeah, no shit. I should quit leaving messages on this burnout phone to a man I nearly killed two years ago, who doesn’t even open them. Maybe I should stop. Maybe that would be an okay idea.

It’s been a while, Tony. And I still haven’t moved on.

 

**[1 January 2018] [3:59 AM]**

Remember, after our fight against the Chitauri? You were lying there motionless and I really, for sure, thought that you were dead and I could already feel my regret. Pulsing intermittently. But you awoke, and you said we should all get some shawarma.

I think that’s when I fell in love with you.

God, that feels like centuries ago.

Do you remember when we were fighting again, about Ultron, and you said we weren’t going to be prepared? That Thanos had been in your head all this time?

I should’ve listened then. I think something big is coming soon, Tony. I think Thanos is drawing nearer. Why he waited this long, I’m not sure, but he’s coming. I don’t know how I can tell… but I can feel it in the air. There’s a certain tension in the air nowadays, a stress. I really don’t know how to explain it.

But you were right, Tones. Thanos is coming. When he does, I wonder, would you call me?

I would call you.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**[27 April 2018] [1:02 PM]**

 “Tony?”

“Steve? Oh- God, thank God, Steve- he’s coming- this place is already ravaged- and Tony and this wizard guy left, they left for space- and we need to prepare now! We need you- _[static]_ –almost fucking unstoppable! He won’t-“

“Bruce- Bruce? Just slow down, calm down, slow down.”

“I- sorry, sorry. It’s just that things here are- wait, how have you been doing, Steve? Cause I was apparently fighting in a commercialized arena for like two years in some kind of game show until Thor happened to find me by chance. Then- you know- Thor and I kind of saved the world! From Ragnarok! Man, and then I came back home, but they told me the Avengers… broke up? So… I don’t know, how are you doing?”

“We can… wow… we can discuss that later. But yeah... the Avengers did break up. There was a fight and... everything. But it’s good to hear your voice, Bruce.”

“Good to hear you too, Steve. But- oh right, right, sorry, there’s a pressing issue at hand. THANOS is HERE.”

“What- he's here? On Earth? Where’s Tony?”

“Funny story, actually. So on this bright day a giant spaceship came down to Earth and Thanos’ minions jumped out and began fighting with us. Dr. Strange came and he and Tony were fighting the evil guys.”

“Wait- How did you know they were Thanos’?”

“They kept talking about, you know, conquering the Universe, and their master, Thanos. Trust me, it was clear. Anyway- Tony and the kid- Peter- snuck onto the spaceship! The donut looking ship! And it blasted off into space. But he dropped this phone on the road and the only number on it is yours. So I had to call.”

“He carries it with him?”

“Well, I mean, I guess, yeah. It fell out of his pocket.”

“Bruce, I’ll be there as fast as I can, with the rest of the team. Help any civilians.”

“Will do, Captain.”


End file.
